


"I said, 'At Present, I Would Not Juck Anyone on This Ship.'"

by pleasekalemenow



Category: Mission to Zyxx (Podcast)
Genre: Dar is a sex god, Hooking up, Mutual Pining, Nermut is a Disaster(TM), Other, Sex Toys, Slice of Life, Spoilers, almost smut but not quite, discussion of jucking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-05 04:43:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17912234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pleasekalemenow/pseuds/pleasekalemenow
Summary: I was re-listening to episode 202 and the thought hit me: why was Nermut the one who knew about Dar's "toys"? This fustercluck is the result. Set between Season One finale and Bonus Episode LO3.TL;DR: Nermut finds himself outside of Dar's room one night aboard the Bargerian Jade, and he hears some curious buzzing noises.- SPOILERS FOR SEASON 1 FINALE -





	"I said, 'At Present, I Would Not Juck Anyone on This Ship.'"

**Author's Note:**

> The lack of fan content for this fandom is a criminal crime that I will remedy one shitpost of a fic at a time
> 
> (Nermie may be OOC? Idk. I'm kind of inferring a lot about his internal monologue but it didn't feel like too much of a stretch to me lol.)

It was late, but Nermut couldn't get to sleep. There was just too much on his mind.

It wasn't just that his world has turned on its axis. It wasn't just that he was betrayed by his employers and imprisoned instead of promoted. It wasn't just that he now belonged to the rebellion that he once considered an enemy, or that he was living among his team, and that they were all criminals (albeit less wanted ones than they should be)--no, all that he could _almost_ handle.

It was just...Dar. Jucking _Dar._

Nermut fiddled with his pockets as he did some pacing  in the hallway. Rod, he couldn't get them out of his head.

Seeing Dar in person had already been enough of a shock. For a brief moment, all his dreams seemed to be coming true: he was finally getting the promotion that he'd secretly begun to worry may never come, he was finally coming face to face with pretty much the only friends he had, and Dar...well, Dar was there, so now he had at least a  _chance_ to make a move on them. His first time inside Dar wasn't what he'd wanted it to be at all. And yet...he couldn't get it out of his head. He couldn't help but wonder and imagine what it would be like to be inside of them under different circumstances. (Rod, they were so  _warm_. He felt so happy even standing near them--on a biological level, even if there wasn't anything else there.)

Maybe that's why, in all his pacing, he found himself standing in front of Dar's quarters, staring up at their door, which was massive in comparison to his diminutive frame. He heard a faint buzzing behind the door-- _do they make that noise when they're sleeping?_ he wondered.  _That's precious._

Nermut raised a hand and rapped on the door, filled with a burst of confidence by his feelings of endearment. No response.  _Right--sleeping._ He knocked again, a bit harder this time, but not too hard. If they didn't respond this time, he'd just take an extended restroom break and try to go to bed. Almost without waiting for a response, he turned to leave, when he heard--

"Who's there?" Dar. A little out of breath. Interestingly, although they were awake, the buzzing continued.

"Uh, it's, ah--" Nermut cleared his throat. "It's Nermut."

"Nermie?" 

"Yep. It's me." He paused. "Is this a bad time? I can come back or--"

"No!" He heard heavy footfalls. "No, it's fine..." The door opened, and there Dar was, looking absolutely-- _Oh, Rod._

"You're naked," Nermut observed intelligently.

Dar looked down at themselves as if this were news to them. "Yeah, I mean, my race doesn't technically  _need_ to wear clothes. It's really just for aesthetic or to make other people feel more comfortable..." They gave Nermut a knowing smirk. "Do you feel uncomfortable?"

"Well I, I, I...I mean, no?"  _Rod alive, look them in the eyes when they're talking Nermut, you jucking creep._ With great effort, he managed to avoid staring too openly at their flaps, even though, given his angle, he probably could've gotten away with an excuse. All the while, the buzzing continued.

Dar's smirk grows a little more, and Nermut suddenly isn't so sure that he was as subtle as he wanted to be.

"So, Nermie," Dar said, running their tongue over their lips, "did you need something or did you just come to say hi?"

"I...uh..."  _Don't stare at the flaps don't stare at the flaps for Rod's sake Nermut don't stare at their jucking flaps._ "I mean, to say hi? I guess?"

"You're not sure?"

 _Abort. This was poorly-advised. Change the subject._ "Um...what's that buzzing noise?"

Dar didn't even blink at the question. "Oh, that's just a toy that I have inside of me."

Blood rises up behind Nermut's fuzzy scales as he simply gawks at her, giving up any pretense of subtlety.

"A toy?"

"Yeah."

"Like a..."

"Like a toy used in jucking, yes."

Nermut peeled his gaze away from Dar's genitalia to look them in the eyes. "Should I go?"  _Please say no, please say--_

"Do you want to go?"  _OH JUCK NO IT'S A DECISION. I HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION. JUCK._

"No," he confessed quietly, as if the floor were his audience. 

Dar crouched so that they were almost on his level. The buzzing was louder now. If it was any quieter, Nermut wouldn't be able to hear it over the sound of his own heart pumping blood at a million meters a minute to his various extremities.

"Then don't."

Nermut looked into Dar's gorgeous eyes--Rod, they were so jucking attractive--and smiled. Dar closed the door behind him as he stepped inside, not to leave until just before the rest of the crew awoke.

**Author's Note:**

> Full disclosure: I've never written proper smut before, and I honestly don't quite know how to write any sexytimes between these two without it coming out like a big joke? And that's not really the vibe I want to portray for these two. I actually think they're super cute together lol. Anywho, if enough people crave that nasty, I can do my darndest to write what these two get up to.  
> Otherwise, thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed. I plan on writing a bunch more stuff for Mission to Zyxx, to cure the aforementioned criminal lack of fan content for this show, so if that interests you maybe keep an eye on my profile! (My stuff is typically a bit more substantial than this. It's always fluffy tho.)  
> Best wishes, y'all. Juck the Federated Alliance. (Not literally, though. They nasty and their labor laws ain't shit.)


End file.
